Trust and the Waze App

Contemplating trust, the first thing that comes to mind for me is the Waze app on my Samsung phone. That app has NEVER let me down, NEVER steered me wrong, consistently has guided me around traffic jams and police traps,  always to be trusted. What or who else in my life can I put on that same pedestal? Hmmmm, (long pause time lapses) There must be someone or something, "I know, got it, my dogs!" Well, now that I think about it, not really, Luna the bernese Mountain Dog is amazing, and fun loving, however she can not be trusted around  any kind of food. Luna has an insatiable appetite and it has taken her out of the " to be Trusted" running. Sugar, the Great Pyranese rescue dog, trusts no one and as a result cannot be trusted herself. Sugar has fears about trucks, being taken away, my neighbors dog, new obstacles in our home....the list goes on and on. She could attack the neighbors dog, wiggle out of her leash and run away, or pee on our rug as a result of her fears so is definitely out of the running.

People are really difficult to completely trust.  loved ones who have my best interest at heart may tell white lies to protect my feelings. I get that, and I am guilty of the same behavior. Often, I find myself wanting to be trusted by others, but realize their concern. Am I truthful, honest and forthcoming? Do I always have the friends best interest at heart or do I consider myself, and our relationship in the equation. That is to say, do I consider myself first and the consequences of my honesty then steer my support in a certain direction due to this struggle. If I were truthful and completely honest, I could jeopardize a friendship or a family relationship. Strangers are difficult to trust because, well, they are strangers. We know nothing about them and their intentions. As children, we are taught "stranger danger" and how can you trust danger? Our fears make it nearly impossible to trust someone we do not know. But there are a few exceptions to this rule, anyone wearing a medical, police, firefighter or religious uniform. Again, as children we are urged to trust them and when in trouble to seek help from a uniformed professional, as they can be trusted. However, there are numerous instances (many of which appear on the daily newscast) where this trust may be erroneous. So once again, who can you trust other then your waze app? The answer seems complex yet so simple. Always trust your inner guide. Not the back and forth voices in your head, but the true guide that lies deep within behind all of the fear, judgement and inner bullshit. To access this inner guide it's important to get quiet, and to connect with yourself. Getting outside in nature can help with this, walks on a vast beach, or in the dense woods can help clear your head and center you.  Ask yourself open ended questions such as:   What if....? How can I....?  Open ended questions will help you call something into your consciousness that you may not be aware exists.  Many times the answer lies somewhere in your subconscious, hidden beneath layers of learned expectations and fears.  This process, over time, can assist you in uncovering your "truthful" self. So to summarize, Always trust the Waze App, and it might help to plug in a destination to nowhere so you can be alone in nature and figure it all out.  

Saying "no", Letting "go", and bowing out gracefully....

So, why is it so damn hard to say "no"?

Even when every ounce of my being wants to scream "NO" often times I find myself creating a story about creating a  possibility. So the no I give is more of a, not now, but soon, you can continue to count me in or count on me.  Why do i do that? What is wrong with me? Am I alone or do others do the same thing. I then spend the following hours beating myself up with inner dialog about how dumb I am and why I should have just said no and ended it. Whether it be a relationship I was in during my High School years or a volunteer commitment in my 40's, this behavior has continued and today I commit to say, "enough is enough!" Am I doing anyone any justice by prolonging the certain "no"?  I know better, and you know what they say, "when you know better you do better".  Well, this has not been the case in my life. You see, I know better and I've been doing worse. But I am fascinated with this process.  It's all in the journey and not the destination. The journey can be defined as self love and self acceptance. But at times, the journey can direct you down a rabbit hole filled with self pity and judgement and you can really  piss yourself off. My delay in just giving the inevitable "no" creates more tension and confusion for all involved.  So I do realize that the boy I said that I wasn't available for the movies that night then spent the next 3 weeks avoiding his calls would have been much more effective with a simple "no thank you" sparing him and me a lot of pain. Later in life, saying a firm "no" to my daughters when they asked for pretty much anything that I didn't want them to have, would have been painful due to their in store tantrum, however, the next 5 trips to the store I may have averted their constant nagging to purchase that item, over and over again. Today, I find myself being asked to help out with volunteer opportunities that may be wonderful, amazing and fulfilling, however, with my tight schedule and my commitment to self care (walking every morning for an hour and a half) I really should just consciously make the decision to say "best of luck, but I'm really over committed right now" .  

Life is funny like that, the lessons you need to learn keep showing up like a bad penny. Until you are aware that there is a pattern of behavior that does not suit you, it will continually confront you.  Situations will arrise with the same theme but cloaked in different situations. When you take the time to connect the dots, you may find the answer you seek. Be open to this growth process, embrace it, and then stay commited to solving your lesson. Then create a lesson plan for the future and create coping tools that will help you overcome the behavior next time it rears its ugly head. I am learning to just say "no" to be completely honest, it started as a "not today" then it moved to "not for a while" and finally to this....

I honor my commitment to myself and all that makes me happy and whole. I acknowledge that I may let myself and others down sometimes and that is ok, that is called life and I am continually growing and learning. Today I choose what's best for me so I need to respectfully decline, and with my head held high, I whisper "no thank you".  I am still working towards the day when the whisper becomes a declaration.

Namaste Sweaty Selfie Sorority